Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
