I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
third nipple confirmed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
