He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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