Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
