I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
