i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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