I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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