Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
