I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
