he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
