look no pants
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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