I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
