I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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