Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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