I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't deserve a penis
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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