Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
