pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
