Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
