One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
