pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
