it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
