But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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