Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
