Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
