you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
