I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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