Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
