who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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