first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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