I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
