We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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