I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
