Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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