Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
