Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
