Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
