life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize