he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's always time for handjobs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
