dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
