I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
