i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
