After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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