I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't put those talents on a resume
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
