someone threw a dead crab at me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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