I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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