if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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