i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
