She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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