Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
