I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
