Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize