The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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