he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
