Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Randomize
