Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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