scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are two peas in an std pod
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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