Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
