oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
