i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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