weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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