you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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