I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
