We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
