Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
