Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
