I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
