My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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