I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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