So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
