hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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