a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love having hate sex.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
