i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
