Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
