Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
