She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sarcasm needs its own font
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
