remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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