Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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