I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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