Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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