I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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