i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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