Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
