wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
