this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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