ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
