If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
