Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize