so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
bring money and cleavage
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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