Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
