This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
