I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
