Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
