just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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