There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
