We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
