mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize