She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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